Of course, Migros doesn’t put it that way. But that’s exactly what it’s doing. And that’s no coincidence—it’s systematic. So that’s how it thinks, too. Not all of Migros. Not even the majority. Just the clueless ones. Unfortunately, those are the very people sitting in management.

The latest absurdity that the hopelessly outdated Migros management has come up with—probably together with the pimply-faced, blow-dried business school grads who were hired as senior consultants at McKinsey immediately after graduating—is: Let’s run promotions that online customers can’t really benefit from.

Because, as Pimply-Faced Guy Number One has discovered, while promotions do entice people to buy and build customer loyalty (so of course he said “customer retention,” since he doesn’t even know the correct German term), they also lead to lower sales. Oh no, the orange management doesn’t want lower revenue at all. Pimple-Face Number Two then worked out the brilliant solution in a two-hundred-page presentation: We’ll run promotions, but customers won’t be able to buy the products. Some would call it daring. Others would call it nonsense.

But luckily, there’s senior management. They’re worldly, seasoned, and know what’s up. The big, armchair-bound chairman immediately realized: Great idea, but we do have to give the customers a little something. And so it comes to pass that we online customers are now allowed to add exactly one double pack to our cart during the 50% Aproz promotion. One. One. One. While customers in the store are allowed to cart out Aproz by the shopping cartful.

Just when you think things can’t get any worse, Migros surprises you with a new load of bullshit. I’m slowly getting tired of it.